How are the Mayor of London and a zombie the same?

Well I had my Higher English paper on Friday. In it I had to critically read two articles, both about gaming. Now this seemed fine to me. I enjoy gaming and devote an unseemly large amount of time to it. Reading about it didn't seem too bad.
And for the first guy it wasn't. He was reasonable and fair when it can to the evaluation. He had some interesting things to say and made me look at some things in a different light. Of course he was, I feel, wrong about some things but no one's perfect.
Then came the second article. It was by Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London.
Now don't get me wrong. Boris Johnson is one of my favourite politicians, if only for comedic reasons. But to see him crop up in my Higher English paper was even worse. It wasn't even a good piece, merely something that had been taken from his blog. I include it here.
Now I must be fair. They cut it down a lot for the exam. The third paragraph was missed out, as well as the second half of paragraph six through to the last two lines.
But look at it. It's a piece of drivel. The part I was given were barely English. Why put this in a Higher paper?
The newspaper industry is a large one. At least one article gets written a day, some beautifully so. That's more than enough to stop us having to resort to Boris.
I would even do something for it. So, I'm sure, would many bloggers, lot's much better than I. So why, I have to ask? Do you just hate us?
Glad to get that off my chest.
Oh, also I did that zombie video. It looks rubbish but at least it's done. The link's here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8frRMMZE0tI&feature=channel_video_title
Enjoy and comment.

Yeah, I've been published. It's not a big deal.

So I managed to get a short story into a book. While I am milking it for all it's worth really it isn't that great. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's awesome being able to walk into a book store, pull something off a shelf and see your name, but I got it by winning a competition. This seems to make it less of an achievement. But I like to see it as the start of bigger and better things. I won the competition last year and that's the book coming out this year. By my rough calculations and a lot of luck and prayer I should get in about two more books this year. That's three in 2011, four in total. I'm happy with that. It's my plan really. Enter lots of competitions, hope to get noticed. I entered again this year but had to write and enter the story on the disastrous night of the prom. Which made the whole evening a total waste.
Of course if any agent is reading, things 'This kid's got skill, I should offer a publishing deal,' I've got a couple of novels waiting to be read.
And Camp Nanowrimo is right around the corner.

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins, a review

It was a few week ago that I bought the first two books in the Hunger Games trilogy and I was immediately hooked. Set in a bleak future where most of the surviving humans are forced to work under the rule of a privileged city, it was just depressing enough to appeal. The main character is selected to participate in the Hunger Games, a yearly tournament where a boy and a girl from each of the twelve Districts (Districts are like lesser cities) are dropped in an arena. The last one of these twenty four alive wins. And not only that, it's broadcast to the entire world. This is supposed to have been started because of a rebellion against the ruling city.

It's such an evil idea. And they're so well written. Set in the first person we follow Katniss Everdeen as she tries to survive a tyrannical government idly killing her, all the while having to put on an act for the cameras. And it has so much to say about oppression and reality tv.

I read the first two books in the space of about a day. Then I scoured the surrounding libraries till I found a copy of the last one, 'Mockingjay'. I settled down to read, wanting to know desperately what happened, as the second book had finished on a cliffhanger.

I'll tell you this now. If you've not read the first two books you should go and do so immediately. If you have and have formed any sort of liking or attachment to any of the characters you might not want to read on. For it is in this book that we learn some thing surprising.

The author hates her characters.

Well she must. She really must. They must have wronged her in some way. There can be no other explanation for what she does to them. There is not a single one spared. While the first two books were sad enough at points you got through it because there was always the light of hope. This book is nothing but horrible happening from start to finish. Lemony Snicket could take notes.

You may think that I'm being overly dramatic for effect. I'm not. I'm really not. I've gone through it again and checked. There is not one character spared. Anyone you can think of will in some way have their lives completely devastated, if they survive at all. In a way the content of the books is like the author's approach to the people in them. The first two books has her playing around with the characters, doing mildly horrible things to them, as is an author's right. Like the people participating in the Hunger Games. In the third book there's no games, there's just war and that's what Collins wages on those she wrote.

I'd love to tell you it has a happy ending. And maybe it does and I'll lying so as not to give away spoilers. But in the end it all seems worthless. Everything that has happened, everything that has been done throughout the books all seems to be for naught. Everything gained is lost. By the end of the book it's almost the same as the start of the first, though maybe slightly different.

And maybe the worst thing happens to the main character. Poor Katniss Everdeen. She might have been built up in the previous novels but she is systematically and professionally broken down into tiny pieces throughout the course of the plot.

I don't think I can say much more on this. The writing style is good. The scenes are set and described well. The world it's set in is near a masterpiece. The plot is concise. For these reasons I'd give it a good seven out of ten.

So I'll say this. Read the first two book, 'The Hunger Games' and 'Catching Fire'. They are brilliant and you could love them. But if you don't want to be completely depressed, stay away from 'Mockingjay'. If you do decide to read it, bring tissues. I know I needed them.

The Amazon link is: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1407109375/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=04SK22HQT2B2WR9EXV3M&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, a review

Boy is revision boring. I mean really really boring. There's almost nothing to do and all my books have been locked away so I can concentrate. Of course all I did then was nick one of my sister's. Which is why I'm now doing a review on 'The Zombie Survival Guide,' by Max Brooks.

I think I'm the wrong person to be reading this book. For one thing I actually do take an interest in surviving zombie outbreaks and so have a bit more knowledge than most people who read this book will have. For another I believe all these books are flawed. But I'll get onto that in a minute.

Factually this book isn't bad. If you follow the rules set out in it you'll probably survive or at least take a good few zombies with you. There are a few slight mistakes though. For one it lists graveyards as being a temporally safe place to rest. While I have no problem with the logic that the chances of a zombie managing to rise from the grave are slight, graveyards to me still seem to be large open spaces were you can probably been seen. It may just be me. I live in Scotland. Maybe graveyards are different in America.

Which is another problem. This book is set in America and so assumes you'll have some sort of gun lying around the place. It goes on at length whether it is best to use a bolt-action rifle or a semi-automatic rifle. We don't have access to guns here. This means that about half the weapons section is useless.

I say half because there is a good list of melee weapons and a bit about their benefits and drawbacks. It comes to the wrong conclusion when it says that a crowbar is the best weapon (it's actually an icepick) but again, by following these rules you're likely to live longer than if you ran around aimlessly. He seems to want to cover all eventualities and so also includes the use of acid, biological warfare and radiation. Just where you'd get this stuff is unclear, especially as Brooks states at the start that you aren't to break any laws. Which is rubbish in itself, at least for the reasons he gives. He says it's so you don't get a criminal record (fair enough) but goes on to say that it's also so that if a plague of zombies do come the police won't see your criminal record and hence be less likely to listen to you. It may just be me but if I was a police officer then I'd be more likely to listen to someone who has been preparing to tackle the zombie in a serious capacity for a long time than some civilian bossing everyone around who I've never heard of. Then again, not breaking the law is good.

To round the book off nicely it included documented zombie attacks throughout the ages. These were very entertaining, as most things including zombies must be. Of course you could tell that these were made up as some fitted together and some were just perfect examples of what he'd been saying earlier. Which is, I guess, what most of my problem is with this book.

It's all just fiction.

Now I don't really believe that an outbreak of zombies is likely. Not in any way. But if it was then this book wouldn't be the most helpful. It's not that the advice it gives isn't good. Truth be told it's too good. No one just picking up the book will follow any of it. It's too hardcore. For example the list of weapons that he recommends you keep for anti-zombie home defence. It runs as follows;

• Rifle, 500 rounds
• Shotgun, twelve-gauge, 250 shells
• Pistol, .45 caliber, 250 rounds
• Silencer, (rifle)
• Silencer, (pistol)
• Heavy crossbow, (in lieu of silencers), 150 bolts
• Telescopic sight (rifle)
• Night-vision scope (rifle)
• Laser sight (rifle)
• Laser sight (pistol)
• Katana sword
• Wakizashi or other short blade sword
• Two knives with smooth, six-eight inch blades
• Hand hatchet

Which is quite a substantial armoury for one person and probably a pain to manage.

There are a few other things like this but for what it is, this book is good. It gives exactly what it sets out to give and is an enjoyable read. But if zombies are gnawing on the door then it probably won't be any help to you. I'd give it a six out of ten.

Now I'm off to do more revision and buy an icepick. Good luck surviving.

The Amazon link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/071563318X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1305333533&sr=8-1

Wish you were here, doing this revision for me

Man, is this boring. I've got nothing to do all day except revise. I can't read any books because if I do then I just get totally engrossed in them and don't do any work. I'm trying to stay off the computer for the same reason. And I'm getting lots of ideas for stuff that I can't do anything with. The sooner all this is over the better.
But I have managed to flick through one book. It's called 'The Zombie Survival Guide,' and it's by Max Brooks. Generally it's ok and I don't have much against it. But zombies are an interest of mine and I can see a few flaws in this book. Not least because it assumes everyone lives in America and has access to an unlimited supply of weaponry.
Now I live in Scotland. This mean that when the inevitable horde of ravenous undead do eventually appear over the horizon I'm not going to be much good combating them. This has forced me to come up with alternative strategies to dealing with them.
I can't call myself a zombie expert. I've met a few and they scare me. But I do have a bit of knowledge. Which I'd quite like to pass on, so more people survive and those who do have guns can come and save me. Or at least hear my heroic tales.
Anyway, I've made a new youtube channel, all about surviving. It won't just be zombies, though till I get some better ideas that's what I'll be primarily focusing on. There's nothing on it yet but I'll tell you when there is. And I'll have a book review of the Survival Guide up by about Saturday.
Long and the short of it? I'm so bored this actually seems like a good idea.